Will you help me take over the world?
by ObeyTheSnarf
Summary: Zim gets transferred to a new school, and finds someone there that's almost as crazy as he is. Soon, chaos ensues and the world will never be the same again. Real life crossover fic, which means some of this stuff we actually did. Several OC pairings
1. Independence Middle School

Hullo!

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim! But if I did I would rule the world! Mwahahahaha! Ahem.

This is my first Invader Zim fic, and I reeeeeally hope it goes well.

Well, here goes nothing...

* * *

Sari and Zim stood on top of the burning school, laughing evily and maniacally at the smell of burning textbooks. Ash fell from the sky, and the flames blazed so high they could be seen for miles. She felt such comfort in the sound of Michael Shipley screaming as he ran around on fire with no way out of the school. She threw her head up at the sky and laughed even more maniacally than ever before. 

Then, Sari's mom was shaking her awake. "Aww, mom, I was having a good dream..."

"Sari, it's time to wake up! Come on! You need to go to school!"

"Blarf."

"Get up, Sari."

"Mmmmmmrrrf... Blargles!"

"I SAID GET UP, SARI!"

"Okay! Fine! Geez, mom!"

* * *

Zim sat on the school bus, gloomily staring out the window. 

_This new school had better be better than that other one. Stupid humans, having me 'transfered' to a different school just because I destroyed the gymnasium... Hmmm... Maybe the pathetic humans at this school will not splash random corrosive liquids on me. Foolish humans. When I take over the Earth, I will destroy all barbeque sauce. Yeeeees! Perfect! And I can torture Dib, that pathetic lowlife, in my dungeons forever! Mwahahahaha! Oh, look, we have arrived at the torture and educating place called school..._

* * *

Well, what did y'all think of that chapter? 

Eventually, I plan to pair up Sari and Zim.

And I can always threaten Sari to make this a M-rated fic. But that's proably never going to happen. Unless Sari does something really mean to me... (:l

Well, r & r, and if you like Fullmetal Alchemist, read my other fics.

Toodles!


	2. Hey, wierdo green kid! or Forced Friend

Hi!

Wow! I have 5 reviews already!

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

Hey, guess what?

I took a personality quiz to find out which character from Johnny the Homicidal Maniac I'm most like.

Guess who I got?

I got Johnny. O.o

Yes, I'm scared too.

Well, anyways, here's chapter two!

* * *

The bus pulled up to the high school, and Sari and her sister Magi got out. 

Magi headed to building one of the high school, and Sari trekked through the high school to get to the middle school.

_This is stupid, _she thought, climbing a set of stairs. _Why can't they just drop me off at the middle school?_

* * *

Zim looked up at Independence Middle School. It looked much bigger than his old school, and there was a high school next door. Filthy human high-schoolers, dropped off at the middle school, walked to the high school and filthy human middle-schoolers, probably dropped off at the high school, walked to the middle school. 

_I suppose I am fortunate to be dropped off at the correct location. The excruciatingly stupid worms that organize this are a mess. Well, at least the Dib-human is not here. Maybe I can concoct my evil schemes in peace now..._

* * *

Sari climbed up the final set of stairs and walked up to the middle school. She looked at all the weird kids standing around. Some preppy kids, Michael Shipley, some ugly moron, Laura, random bums, some goth kids, some weird green boy... 

_Wait a minute... Some green boy? That's not normal._

Sari focused her attention on the green kid. He looked strangely familiar... She walked over to him.

"Hey, wierdo green kid! What's your name?"

The green kid looked up at her. "It's a skin condition! My name is Ziiiiiiiiiiim and you will bow before my awesomeness! Bow, human worm-baby! Bow! Mwahahahaha!"

Sari froze. Zim? How could Zim be here? But Sari was not about to be out-egoed.

"Well, foolish Zim, I am Sari and your awesomeness can not light a candle to my totally awesome awesomeness! It will be you that bows! And you must call me The Snarf! And be my friend! Or else I will sic my snarfers on you! Bwahahahaha!"

Zim shrank back towards the wall, frightened by someone who seemed to be even crazier than him. "Erm... Okay..."

Sari didn't see Zim again until lunch. She was sitting at a lunch table, and Zim walked past. She grabbed the back of his shirt and forced him to sit down.

"Yipe!" squeaked Zim. "Oh, it's the crazy Sari-human. What do you want?"

Sari put her hands on her hips. "You're my friend, so you have to sit with me at lunch."

"You're wieeeeeeeerd! Don't touch meeeeee!" Zim tried to stand up, but Sari grabbed the back of his shirt and prevented him from moving.

"You're going to sit here and _like_ it."

So, Zim sat there looking gloomy the whole lunch period. Once he did try to make a break for it again, but Sari tossed her milk at him, causing him to writhe on the floor. "Gaaaaaaaaaagh! IT BURNS! IT BUUUUURNS! NOOOO!"

At the end of lunch, Sari handed Zim a slip of paper with some writing on it. "That's my address. Come to my house after school, and I'll tell you about how someone could blow up the ocean, not that anyone would _want_ to do that..."

* * *

After school...

-

Zim stared at the slip of paper in his hand while he walked.

"I still don't know why I bother doing this. But, perhaps the Sari-human actually _does_ know a way to blow up the ocean, which, as I take it, would allow me to take over the world..."

He looked up at the house. Sure enough, the house number was the same as the one on the paper...

* * *

That was chapter two.

Sari actually _does_, in reality, know a way to blow up the whole ocean. And that thought provides many a sleepless night for me, knowing Sari. O.o Urp.

Sari: (makes face like JTHM)

Me: O.o Hey, when you took the quiz, you got Happy Noodle Boy. _I_ got Nny!

Sari. ):l Funsucker.

Me: Yep, I'm a funsucker. Get over it.

R & r, please!

Toodles!


	3. Zelmim and Grib?

Yo, what's happenin'?

Hey, I have 7 reviews!

Disclaimer: GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS! Well, I don't own Invader Zim. Which is basically the whole point of the disclaimer.

Here's chapter three!

* * *

"Sari, you're making this up," said Magi, sitting on the couch playing Morrowind. 

"I am NOT!" insisted Sari.

"Liar," mumbled Magi.

"I'M NOT LYING!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not."

"Yes. You. Are."

"I. AM. NOT."

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Sari ran over to answer the door.

"Hi, Zim! Come right in!"

"And then we will discuss the blowing up of oceans?"

"Yep. Zim, this is my sister Magi," said Sari, shutting the door. "Magi, this is Zim."

Magi did not look up from her game. "Sure he is. And I'm psycho dough boy."

Sari frowned. She did not enjoy resorting to such measures, but she unplugged the tv (oh the horror!). Magi looked up.

"Aaargh! What is your problem? What do you want?" she grumped. Then she saw Zim. "SARIAREYOUARECRAZYBRINGINGTHATMANIACALIENINTOTHEFREAKINHOUSE?"

Zim made an attempt to understand that sentence but failed. "Huh?"

Magi stood up. "ALIEN! ALIEN! ALIEN! ALIEEEEEEEENNN!" she yelled, pointing at Zim.

"LIIIIIIIEEEEESSS!" Zim shouted back at Magi. "ALLLL LLIEEEEEEEEES!"

Zim and Magi were about to get into a fight when Sari stepped in between them and pushed them both over backwards.

Magi fell onto the couch, but Zim landed on the floor, damaging his pak a little. His human disguise was turned off, and he was then even more obviously an alien. "Idiotic humans!" he ranted. "What have you done to ZIIIIIIIIM's pak?"

"You talk like Elmo," said Sari suddenly.

"Whaaaat? Ziiiiiiiimm does not know of this 'Elmo' you speak of!"

"See, you and Elmo both refer to yourselves in third person." (you know it's true!)

"Enough nonsense! Divulge your plan to explode the oceans! Now! Now, Sari-human! NOOOOOOOOWWWW! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

So, that was chapter three. 

My comparison between Zim and Elmo is scaring me. I mean, what if they were the same person? He'd be called, like, 'Zelmo' or some thing wierd like 'Elmim' or even 'Zelmim.' Hmmm. Zelmim sounds the coolest.

Hey kids! It's your favorite little green monster, Zelmim! (little kids cheer)

Zelmim: Hi, human worm-babies! Zelmim wants to share a very special song Zelmim wrote. It's called "Zelmim Killed Grib! (Grover combined with Dib)"

Lala lala!

Lala lala!

Zelmim hates Grib!

Lala lala!

Lala lala!

Zelmim hates Grib!

Zelmim smashed a goldfish bowl over Grib's head!

Now, Grib is deeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaad!

(little children start crying and are scarred for life. Owner of show is sued for a bazillion dollars)

Okay, bad idea. O.o (eyes bleed)

Anyways, r & r and the next chapter will come soon!


	4. BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUMM!

Hi!

You know how in the show the kids jump out of the windows when school is over?

That happens in my honors geometry class. And they don't wait until class is over. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim.

I now present to you... CHAPTER FOUR! BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUMM!

* * *

Magi poked Zim's head. "Um, I think your disguise turned off," she said. 

"Do not touch ZIIIIM's head, filthy human!"

Suddenly, Gir jumped onto Zim's head and began to hit him with a rubber pig. "Wheeeeeeee!" shouted Gir.

Sari, being obsessed with Gir, jumped onto Zim's head also, and held on to his antennas so she wouldn't fall off.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Zim screamed (like a little girl lol) in pain.

Magi just sat on the couch. "Whatever," she said as if this was perfectly normal.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and everybody froze. Sari then picked up Zim and Gir and stuffed them into the closet.

"Hello, creepy green alien person," said a girl who was also stuffed into the closet.

"Who are you?" asked Zim.

"I'm Gir! Would you like a cupcake? I brought rubber piggies!"

"Not you, Gir. I'm talking to the human worm-baby in this closet."

"I'm Harriet!"

"Why are _you_ in the closet?" asked Zim. "Are they hiding you, too?"

"No."

"Then why are you in the closet?"

A little blonde boy was suddenly visible. "Because I'm in the closet too," he said.

"Who are _you_?"

"I'm Edward Elric." (see author's note)

"And why are _you_ in the closet in the first place?"

"Because Harriet's in the closet."

Everyone was silent for about a minute.

"When are you going to leave?" asked Harriet.

Zim shrugged. Harriet and Edward went back to... whatever is was they were doing behind the coats in the closet.O.o

Zim had no idea what was going on and had no intention of finding out.

* * *

Meanwhile, Magi answered the door, and in walked...Dib! Dun dun DUUUUUUUUNN! 

Sari gawked at Dib, then looked at Magi.

"Magi, why did you bring a paranoid weirdo here? And where'd you find him anyways? I _know_ he doesn't go to IMS."

"He goes to Bethel Park High School. Isn't that awesome?"

Sari pointed at Dib. "You! Waffle-face! Why are you going to high school and not middle school?"

Dib shrugged. "I skipped a few grades. Why do you ask?"

Sari grinned fakely. "Would you mind if I talked to my sister in private for a moment?"

Dib shrugged.

Sari pulled Magi into the kitchen. "What are you thinking? Zim is here right now! We don't need them to get into a fight at our house!"

"So we should kick them both outside?"

"No, stupid, I mean we should get Dib out of here."

"Why not Zim instead?" asked Magi.

Sari frowned. "Zim's cooler! Isn't it cool to have an alien at our house?"

Magi shrugged. "So?'

"So, we have to get Dib to leave."

* * *

So, that was chapter four. 

Now, about Edward Elric...

Ed is a character from an anime called Fullmetal Alchemist, and I happen to be very obsessed with him. Edward's right arm and left leg are made of metal. If you watch FMA, please have a look at some of my other fanfictions, for example, Bald Eagle.

So, what did you think about this chapter? Questions? Comments? Even suggestions? Review!

I'm off to write more chapters for my other fanfics now!

Toodles!


	5. Yes, GARGH!

Meow! Look, just don't ask.

Only 8 reviews? C'mon, people! Review!

Disclaimer: I've never jumped out of a window during class.

The REAL Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim.

Hey, by re-watching a few episodes, I found out Zim has two very human-like organs! (not including skin)

1. He has a brain. (which gets replaced with a pig, so I guess he _had_ a brain)

2. He has, um, well... let's just say he screamed in extreme pain when Dib kicked him in the crotch. (This was on the Moose episode.)

Lo and behold: CHAPTER FIVE!

* * *

"How are we gonna do that?" asked Magi. 

A nutty grin sneaked across Sari's face. "Just leave it to me! Heheheheh..."

Magi was suddenly very scared.

The two sisters walked out of the kitchen.

Sari walked up to Dib and slapped him in the forehead. (WTF?)

Dib rubbed his forehead. "HEY!"

Sari grinned crazily. "Would you like some beans?"

Dib blinked. "What?"

"I said, would you like some beans?"

"Um, no thank you..."

Sari cocked her eyebrow. "Are you suuuure? They've been marinating in the toilet aaaallll day!"

"Now I'm _really_ sure!"

"Well, would you like a nice big chunk of slime?"

"Alien slime?"

"Is there any other kind?" she responded, rolling her eyes crazily for added affect.

Dib twitched. "AAAAAAAAAAAHH! ALIENS!" he screamed, running into the door. "OMG I'M LOCKED IN! IT WAS A TRAP! AN ALIEN TRAP! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" He suddenly realized he hadn't turned the doorknob. He did so easily. "Heh heh... Er... BYE!" and he ran away screaming "ALIENS! ALIENS!" all the way down the street.

Sari crossed her arms. "How stupid _IS_ that moron? I practically had to spell it out for him!" she ranted, rolling her eyes.

Magi frowned. "Sari, you are an idiot. I mean, seriously. Marinating in the tiolet?"

"Yes, Magi, I said 'marinating in the tiolet.' So?"

"That's stupid."

They both just stood there for about five minutes.

Sari suddenly moved. "Oh, we should probably-"

"Let Zim out of the closet?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Don't say 'oh.'"

"Oh."

"Magi, seriously, shut up!"

Magi smirked.

Sari went to the closet and opened the door. Out tumbled Zim, Gir, Harriet, and Edward.

Sari eyeballed the latter two. "What were _YOU_ guys doing in there?"

Harriet and Ed both exchanged looks.

Sari frowned. "Well? Or do I not _want_ to know?"

Harriet blushed. "It's not like that at all."

Ed nodded. "Yeah."

"Well? WELL?" growled Sari.

"We were just making-"

"WEEEEELLLL?"

"Sari, shut up. Gawd. As I was saying, we were just making paper frogs."

Both of them opened their hands and hundreds of little origami jumping frogs jumped out of them.

Magi frowned again. "You guys are SO STUPID! GARGH!"

"Gargh?" asked Sari.

"Yes, GARGH!"

Zim was completely annoyed by this entire conversation. "Will you all just SHUT UP?"

Everybody shut up. For a moment or so.

"Hey, Zim," said Sari, "I thought you had a solid disguise, not a hologram disguise!"

Zim frowned. "The contacts were all scratchy. You ever wear scratchy contacts?"

Sari shrugged.

"Well, THEY HURT! Now, back to what we were doing before someone interrupted... SURRENDER THE PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION!"

Sari shrugegd and told him the idea. (Hey, do you think I would tell all you guys how to explode the oceans? Heck no! Besides, I'm too lazy to type the explanation and I can't remember it very well anyways. l:P)

Zim frowned. "That was it?"

Sari nodded.

"That was BORIIING! Not to mention Zim does not have the equipment for such a thing..."

"Yeah, deep-sea blowtorches are pretty uncommon. But couldn't you make one?"

Zim shrugged. "Well, I just don't really_ feel_ like it..."

* * *

So, that was the marvelous chapter five! 

Please review! I'm BEGGING you! Waaaaaah!

Zim: That was interesting.

Me: Yes, I know, Zim. I know.

Zim: O.o

Well, I'm off to write chapters for my other fanfics!

Toodles!


	6. Skinned canteloupe?

Moop poop!

...Is a part of this balanced breakfast.

9 reviews! I bet yunz can do better than that...

Sorry, I been lazy... Ok, I'm writing this chapter now...

Disclaimer: If I owned Invader Zim, that would be a baaaaaad thing...

So, here's chapter six.

* * *

Sari suddenly jumped up onto the back of the sofa. 

"Yoooooooooooou lazy BUM! You're soooooooo laaaaaaaazzzzyyyyyyyyyy! LAZY!"

She then slipped and fell on top of Zim, scaring the crap out of him.

"GAAAAAH! Get your filthy human germs away from me, Sari-human!" he yelled, falling off the sofa.

Sari stuck out her tongue. "Nyeah!"

"I like toast," said Magi suddenly.

"WHAT?" gasped Sari, making exaggerated hand gestures. "Wha- I mean- really, Magi! That's amazing! You like toast! Incredible! Wow!" she spazzed sarcastically.

Magi raised an eyebrow. "Take a chill pill, Sari."

Sari jumped onto the back of the sofa again. "Now you see here!"

"Stop!"

"No!"

"Seriously! Stop!"

"No!"

"Sari!"

"No!"

"SARI!"

"NOOOOO!"

During this conversation, Zim was attempting to crawl away.

Suddeny, sari picked him up by the ankle. "Ooooooo! Eeeesh a fooper!"

Zim squirmed around, trying to get free. "I don't understand anything you are saying, stooooooooooopid huuuuuumaannn!"

"Eeeew! You need a zuchini wax!"

"Sari, it's 'bakini' not 'zuchini,'" pointed out Magi.

"NO! ZIM NEEDS A ZUCHINI WAX! HE IS A ZUCHINI!"

"SARI!"

"What?"

"CALM. DOWN."

"Awwww... but Zim needs a zuchini wax!"

"I don't care!"

Sari released Zim's ankle and he fell on his head. "The mighty ZIIIIIIM is NOT a vegetable!" he roared, rubbing his big green ol' head, 'cause it looks like a skinned canteloupe.

"Silence, author!" shouted Zim foolishly.

Make me.

"I will!" said Zim, taking out a large gun.

Heh. Fool. (snaps fingers) (gun turns into Sari)

"What is the meaning of this?!"

Do I need to make this fanfic M-rated? (Sari begins to take off her shirt)

"Is that a bad thing?"

Yes. Very bad.

"Oh. AAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOO! NOO! DON'T DO IT!"

Very well. (snaps fingers) (Sari puts her shirt back on)

Sari frowned. "I TOOK OFF MY SHIRT?"

You had another shirt on underneath it.

"Oh. Good."

As I was saying... Oh yes, Zim looks like a skinned canteloupe.

"Sigh..."

Gir ran around the room, and jumped on top of Zim's head. "Oooooo, master looks like canteloupe!"

Yes, Gir. Zim looks like canteloupe.

* * *

That was chapter six. 

Please excuse the nonsense.

Sari: Zim _is_ a zuchini, y'know?

Me: Um... whatever.

Zim: What is this "M-rated fanfic" you speak of? Does it have the power to control the world?

Me: -,- Very likely.

Zim: ZIIIIIIM must go write a M-rated fanfic!

Me: Yeah. Great. -,- Good luck...

Toodles!


	7. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafffleeesss?

'Ello!

11 reviews so far!

I've been watching about three hours of Invader Zim every day for the past week, maybe two weeks.

O.o

Moo.

Disclaimer: OBEY THE FIST! I mean, um, I don't own Invader Zim.

And here comes chapter seven of my Zim-enduced Zim madness!

* * *

Shari suddenly burst through the door. 

"OMG can you guys beleive that the second POTC movie is out on DVD now?!" she fangirl-screamed, waving a DVD in the air.

"OOOOOOOOOOO, pretty giiiiiiirly," said Gir, walking over the Johnny Depp-obsessed girl. "Want some waaaaaaaaaaaffflllllles?" Gir pulled a plate of waffles out of his head.

Shari shrugged and began to pig out on waffles.

Harriet poked Zim. "Hey."

"Get your filthy human filth away from me, filthy huuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" screamed Zim

Harriet grinned. "I bet I can do a better evil laugh than you."

"Nonsense, filthy earth monkey! The laugh of ZIIIIIIIIIIIM is the most evil laugh of all! Witness the power of ZIIIIIIM! Mwahahahahahahahaha!"

Harriet smirked. "Impressive. But can it beat _THIS_? Hooooooowahaheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeh!"

"Inferior worm! Bwehehehehekekekekekeh!"

"Pathetic. Nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeheeeheeheehhehehehheheeeeeeheehehehrhuishksehzihhehaaaaaaa!"

"Shut up!" shouted Magi. "This is so _pointless_."

"Aww... Owch!" complained Harriet, being slapped by Magi. "Cut it out!"

"My gawd! You're so annoying, stupid!"

"Noooo. I like cheeeese. Moo. OWCH! Cut it out, you bleeping bleeeeeeeep!"

(by the way, this is a normal conversation for us O.o and I actually usually say bleep or something along those lines.)

Harriet slapped Magi.

"Don't hit me!" said Magi, slapping Harriet again.

"OWWWWW! STOOOOOP!"

"_You_ stop."

"No, you stop."

"_No_, Harriet, _you_ stop."

Harriet muttered swear words under her breath.

Zim got up and began to head for the door. "Well, it's been... _interesting,_ pig smellies, but I really must be going to my normal little boy house."

Harriet pointed at Zim's head. "What about your disguise?"

Zim felt all over his head. "Huh? _Huh? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

* * *

And that was chapter seven.

Sari: This isn't going anywhere...

Me: Shut up. It will next chapter.

Sari: Moop.

Me: Moop poop!

Sari: -,- You're not going to let me forget that, are you?

Me: Nope, never!

Toodles!


	8. Caaaaaat Dooooooooooookie!

Howdy howdy howdy!

12 reviews so far! I actually got a review last chapter! Yaaaaay!

The Invader Zim theme song makes me really hyperactive.

in background: IZ theme song

Noooooo! Must... resist... song... GUH! WEEEEEEEEEEEE! (spins around on computer chair) Nuh-nuh-nuh! Nuh! Nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh! Nuh! Nuh-nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh-nit-nuh-nit-nuh-nit-nuh!------time passes----- (finishing theme song) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Twitch. Twitch. O.o

And I now present chapter nine.

* * *

Zim set his pak on a couch and began to repair it, and a stray bolt of some sort of eletricity or something shot out, then disappeared. 

"Well," said Harriet cheerfully, "At least there were no fish in there due to the fact that Magi and Sari can't take care of fish at all. OWWW! Hey, wait a minute, nobody hit me..." She looked around and frowned. "Where's Magi?"

Sari shrugged. "I dunno."

* * *

ZAP. 

"Oooooooh!" exclaimed both tallest at the same time.

"What is it?" asked Purple.

"Hmmm..." said Red. "Looks like one of those... human... thingies that Zim is always talking about. He must've teleported it here."

"Why'd he do that?"

"Oh, I dunno. What do you think we're supposed to do with it?" Red scratched his head. Haha. I made a rhyme. Red-head, y'get it? Ok I'll shut up now.

Purple pulled out something that looked like a fake tree branch. "I'm gonna poke it with a stick!" He floated over to Magi. "Wow! It's pretty tall! Not as tall as us, of course, but, you know, pretty tall."

* * *

"Woohoo!" shouted Harriet. "Magi's not here! I can say _whatever I want!_" Harriet drew a deep breath of air. "F-mmmmmrrrmmf!" she said angrily as Edward covered her mouth with his left hand and rolled his eyes. He uncovered her mouth again, and she glared at him. "You son of a -mmrmdmmmmmf!" This time Ed did not remove his hand. 

Sari was watching intently as Zim used various alien tools to repair his pak, but then Zim turned around. "Stop this, stupid worm-child! Do not breathe down the neck of ZIIIIM!"

Harriet managed to pry Ed's hand off of her face for a moment. "I like cheese!" she exclaimed rebelliously before Ed could get his hand over her mouth again.

Sari rolled her eyes. "Yes, Harriet. I know you do."

* * *

"I wonder if it likes donuts," said Purple. 

"Stop poking me," growled Magi.

Purple dropped his stick and fell backwards. "Hey! It talked!"

Red rolled his eyes. "Of course it did. It _is_ tall, after all." Hey, another rhyme!

Purple rubbed his head. "I knew that."

I'm eating craisins. Mmmm. Craisins.

Magi flipped them off.

"What do you think that means?" asked Purple.

"Probably some kind of peace sign or something."

"Oooooh." Purple attempted to imitate Magi's gesture but failed, having only two fingers. "Why does it have so many fingers? What a freak!"

"Yes, it _is_ rather disgusting, isn't it?"

* * *

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Harriet, running around the room with Edward running frantically after her with his ears plugged. Lotsa withs. Teehee. 

"Shut up, Harriet," grumbled Sari, beginning to get pissed off. She turned to Zim. "And that noise isn't bothering you at all?"

Zim looked up from his pak. "Hmm? What did you say?" he asked, pulling out a pair of high-tech-looking earplugs. "GAAAH! What is that infernal noise? Gir?"

Harriet suddenly grabbed a broom and pole-vaulted over the couch, and over Zim's head. "WEEEEEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOOOO! I'M GONNA EAAAT A TOASTER! DAMN I HAVE NO KIWIS!"

Sari ducked. "Harriet what the CRAP?!"

"BUUUUT I LIIIIIKE CHEEEEEEEEEESE!" spazzed Harriet, rolling around on the floor.

Sari poked her.

Harriet's expression changed completely. She now looked like she would bite someone's head off in an angry way instead of a crazy way. "I hate you."

Sari beamed. "See? It has an off button."

"Ingenious! Do all humans have off buttons?" inquired Zim plottingly.

Harriet suddenly grinned... weirdly. "No, but most have on buttons," she sniggered, beaming insanely.

"You perv," said Sari, rolling her eyes. "I should slap you."

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Harriet, running upstairs.

Ed scratched his head. "Er... sorry. She's not always like that, you know. I better go... make sure she doesn't break something or hurt herself or something like that." He went upstairs.

Sari counted on her fingers. _lets see, Shari's upstairs, Magi disappeared, Harriet and Ed ran up there, so that means..._

_Oh great. Just me and Zim. Awkward._

Zim put his pak back on. "There. That will have to do for now." He pressed a button, and nothing happened. He pressed it again. Still no effect.

"Um, I don't think it works," pointed out Sari rather obviously.

"I knew that!" retorted Zim, obviously a bit panicked.

* * *

And that was chapter nine. 

BEHOLD THE CHEESE OF DOOM!

I think Gir is living inside my head, saying the most random things. Like when a random thought came into my head that goes something like this:

Where is you putting the giant tomatoes?

Zim: An on button?

Me: You don't want to know...

Zim: Yes I do. TELL ME!

Me: Um... ask your mom. Oh, right. Cold unfeeling robot arm.

Zim: Well?

Me: Ask the tallest. Yes. That's it. They can tell you all about it. (snigger snigger snigger)

Zim: What's so funny, earth-pig?!

Me: Oh, nothing, nevermind...

Well, toodles!


	9. Off Button?

Howdy howdy howdy!

12 reviews so far! I actually got a review last chapter! Yaaaaay!

The Invader Zim theme song makes me really hyperactive.

in background: IZ theme song

Noooooo! Must... resist... song... GUH! WEEEEEEEEEEEE! (spins around on computer chair) Nuh-nuh-nuh! Nuh! Nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh! Nuh! Nuh-nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh-nit-nuh-nit-nuh-nit-nuh!------time passes----- (finishing theme song) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Twitch. Twitch. O.o

And I now present chapter nine.

* * *

Zim set his pak on a couch and began to repair it, and a stray bolt of some sort of eletricity or something shot out, then disappeared. 

"Well," said Harriet cheerfully, "At least there were no fish in there due to the fact that Magi and Sari-" She paused, bracing herself for a slap. "-Can't take care of fish at all," she finished with some surprise at not being pummeled. She looked around and frowned. "Hey, where's Magi?"

Sari shrugged. "I dunno."

* * *

ZAP. 

"Oooooooh!" exclaimed both tallest at the same time.

"What is it?" asked Purple.

"Hmmm..." said Red. "Looks like one of those... human... thingies that Zim is always talking about. He must've teleported it here."

"Why'd he do that?"

"Oh, I dunno. What do you think we're supposed to do with it?" Red scratched his head. Haha. I made a rhyme. Red-head, y'get it? Ok I'll shut up now.

Purple pulled out something that looked like a fake tree branch. "I'm gonna poke it with a stick!" He floated over to Magi. "Wow! It's pretty tall! Not as tall as us, of course, but, you know, pretty tall."

* * *

"Woohoo!" shouted Harriet. "Magi's not here! I can say _whatever I want!_" Harriet drew a deep breath of air. "F-mmmmmrrrmmf!" she said angrily as Edward covered her mouth with his left hand and rolled his eyes. He uncovered her mouth again, and she glared at him. "You son of a -mmrmdmmmmmf!" This time Ed did not remove his hand. 

Sari was watching intently as Zim used various alien tools to repair his pak, but then Zim turned around. "Stop this, stupid worm-child! Do not breathe down the neck of ZIIIIM!"

Harriet managed to pry Ed's hand off of her face for a moment. "I like cheese!" she exclaimed rebelliously before Ed could get his hand over her mouth again.

Sari rolled her eyes. "Yes, Harriet. I know you do."

* * *

"I wonder if it likes donuts," said Purple. 

"Stop poking me," growled Magi.

Purple dropped his stick and fell backwards. "Hey! It talked!"

Red rolled his eyes. "Of course it did. It _is_ tall, after all." Hey, another rhyme!

Purple rubbed his head. "I knew that."

I'm eating craisins. Mmmm. Craisins.

Magi flipped them off.

"What do you think that means?" asked Purple.

"Probably some kind of peace sign or something."

"Oooooh." Purple attempted to imitate Magi's gesture but failed, having only two fingers. "Why does it have so many fingers? What a freak!"

"Yes, it _is_ rather disgusting, isn't it?"

* * *

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Harriet, running around the room with Edward running frantically after her with his ears plugged. Lotsa withs. Teehee. 

"Shut up, Harriet," grumbled Sari, beginning to get pissed off. She turned to Zim. "And that noise isn't bothering you at all?"

Zim looked up from his pak. "Hmm? What did you say?" he asked, pulling out a pair of high-tech-looking earplugs. "GAAAH! What is that infernal noise? Gir?"

Harriet suddenly grabbed a broom and pole-vaulted over the couch, and over Zim's head. "WEEEEEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOOOO! I'M GONNA EAAAT A TOASTER! DAMN I HAVE NO KIWIS!"

Sari ducked. "Harriet what the CRAP?!"

"BUUUUT I LIIIIIKE CHEEEEEEEEEESE!" spazzed Harriet, rolling around on the floor.

Sari poked her.

Harriet's expression changed completely. She now looked like she would bite someone's head off in an angry way instead of a crazy way. "I hate you."

Sari beamed. "See? It has an off button."

"Ingenious! Do all humans have off buttons?" inquired Zim plottingly.

Harriet suddenly grinned... weirdly. "No, but most have on buttons," she sniggered, beaming insanely.

"You perv," said Sari, rolling her eyes. "I should slap you."

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Harriet, running upstairs.

Ed scratched his head. "Er... sorry. She's not always like that, you know. I better go... make sure she doesn't break something or hurt herself or something like that." He went upstairs.

Sari counted on her fingers. _lets see, Shari's upstairs, Magi disappeared, Harriet and Ed ran up there, so that means..._

_Oh great. Just me and Zim. Awkward._

Zim put his pak back on. "There. That will have to do for now." He pressed a button, and nothing happened. He pressed it again. Still no effect.

"Um, I don't think it works," pointed out Sari rather obviously.

"I knew that!" retorted Zim, obviously a bit panicked.

* * *

And that was chapter nine. 

BEHOLD THE CHEESE OF DOOM!

I think Gir is living inside my head, saying the most random things. Like when a random thought came into my head that goes something like this:

Where is you putting the giant tomatoes?

Zim: An on button?

Me: You don't want to know...

Zim: Yes I do. TELL ME!

Me: Um... ask your mom. Oh, right. Cold unfeeling robot arm.

Zim: Well?

Me: Ask the tallest. Yes. That's it. They can tell you all about it. (snigger snigger snigger)

Zim: What's so funny, earth-pig?!

Me: Oh, nothing, nevermind...

Well, toodles!


	10. Bumblebee

Yo dudes!

I now have 17 reviews for this fanfic.

Shari, Magi, Sari and all all got gifts for eachother! And we just gave eachother the gifts!

I gave Magi a Poop Dawg shrinky-dink thingy, and I gave to Sari Jhonen Vasquez on a stick! (just what she wanted! (actually it's a shrinky-dink drawing of Jhonen glued to a bamboo skewer XD)) Needless to say, Sari loved her gift! I gave Shari an Envy shrinky-dink.

Oh! And Shari gave Sari a talking Gir toy (says stuff like "I wanna be a mongoose" and "I love this show"), and Magi and Sari gave Shari a Jack Sparrow notebook, and Shari gave Magi a Kakashi pillow.

Shari gave me a Naruto... light... thingy. It's cool!

Magi gave me a Naruto wristband with a picture of Naruto on it looking positively ADORABLE! XD

Sari gave me an iron-on Alex Armstrong patch. No comment. O.o

We did the whole gift exchange by meeting at the library. O.o We are so _weird_!

:P

Btw, sorry about the whole chapter mixup thing. But I don't remember what I wrote, so the cat dookie chapter is gone forever :'(.

Anyhoo, chapter ten now!

* * *

Flarflenoodle pie! Wweeeeeeeeeee hoooooooooooooo! 

Ahem. -,-

Well, here's what's happening upstairs.

Having finished the waffles, Shari and Gir were having a very strange conversation.

Shari scratched her head. "Monkey cheese?"

"I like pickles tooooo," agreed Gir.

"Chipmunk."

"Squirrels are my friiiieeeeeeends."

"But I like ketchup..."

"Taquitoes! Gyaaaa-hah!"

"There is no spoon."

"That doesn't make any sense!" shreiked Gir, falling off the sofa. Heheh. I almost typed soda. But I didn't. Heh.

Harriet and Edward were sitting silently on the other couch. Harriet sighed.

"I know that you're not really Edward Elric."

Edward looked up. "What are you talking about? Of course I am!"

Harriet picked up a pencil and poked it inside Edward's left ear. His image fuzzed out of focus, then was replaced by a small, surprised-looking robot. It frowned. "But... how did you know?"

Harriet sighed. "Well, my parents left a web page open on the computer. I think they didn't want me to find out, but they were a little careless. But I have to admit, Dr. Membrane did a good job making you, even though you were a little OOC."

The robot didn't say anything.

"My parents must've been kind of worried about my behavior, to get a RIV bot. What does R-I-V stand for, anyways? It didn't say on the website."

The robot shrugged. "Nothing. Membrane thought it sounded cool. But... can we still be friends?"

Harriet smiled. "Of course! But can I call you RIV?"

"Mmm-kay."

YAAAAY ROBOTS :P!

* * *

"BOOOOOORED," moaned Magi, still being poked with a stick.

* * *

"Harriet, even though Magi _is_ a pain in the ass, we probably should find her..." 

"You're probably right, RIV, but how're we s'posed to do that?"

"..."

"C'mon, you didn't notice any clues to where she might've gone?"

"Well, um... there was that little bolt of energy that escaped from Zim's pak just before her disappearance..."

"I see. Maybe Zim has a teleporter in his pak... We should go ask him."

* * *

Sari watched piteously as Zim continued to frantically push the button, still failing. 

"DOOKIE!" screamed Zim in rage, taking off his pak again to examine it. "I can't find anything wrong with it!"

Just then, Harriet and a strange-looking robot walked down the stairs.

Sari screwed up her face and pointed at the robot. "What the hell _is_ that thing?!"

"RIV," said Harriet simply. "Hey, Zim!"

Zim looked up from his pak again. "What on Irk do you want?" he growled.

Harriet scratched her head. "Mmm, yeah... uh... do you have a teleporter in that thing?"

"Yes, why?"

"Where does it go?"

"Why do _you_ need to know, stinking _Earth_-monkey?"

"Ummm..."

"It goes to the Massive. Why are you questioning ZIIIIIIM?!"

Harriet put her hand on her forehead. "How... does it work?"

"Erm..."

"Just answer!"

"Well, it replaces one object with another... But why the dookie do you need to know?!"

"Kind of like that one time machine thingy you made?" Harriet walked to the spot Magi had been. She held up an empty Irken "poop" beverage container. "Oh shhhhhhhhhhh...napple."

* * *

Intermission! 

Now to go look at pictures of nekkid Irkens on Deviantart I mean... um... I'M NOT A PERV! NOOOOO!

Cough. Well, take a break. Obviously you've been on fanfiction for too long.

Anyways, I actually was just reading someone else's fanfic. Yup.

I can look at teh nekkid Irkens later... um... I mean... SUNBATHE! In JANUARY! At the... MALL! YES? YES!

Dude, yes is a straaaaaaaaaange word. Come to think of it, word is a strange word, too. Whoooooooooa! O.o

And I'm not even sugar high right now. O.O

* * *

"Can we get her back?" asked Harriet. 

"Get who back?" asked Zim.

"Magi!"

"From where?"

"The Massive!"

"The Massive?! How'd she get there?"

"You MORON! Your _teleporter_!"

"But I wasn't using my teleporter..."

"It teleported her while you were fixing your pak!" Harriet was starting to get pretty cheesed. 'Cause I like the word 'cheesed.'

"My pak?" Of course, Zim was still clueless. Moron.

"YES, YOUR PAK!" roared Harriet.

"Oooooh. So what did you want again?"

If it had been anime, everyone would have fallen to the floor, but it wasn't anime, so only Harriet fell to the floor because she really likes anime. O.o

Harriet rubbed her acheing head. "Zim, can we teleport Magi back here from the Massive?"

Zim pondered this.

Sari poked him. "Teehee! He's thinking." Because she was in one of _those_ moods... (when she is prone to say stupid, annoying things like that)

"Well... I think I can get her back, but to do that, we'd have to send someone else there..."

Harriet's eyebrow went up, and she looked at the poop container. "Can't we just send a small, useless object instead?"

Zim pondered again, then shook his head. "No."

"Well, that's stupid! Just like the Megadoomer was stupid. But this is a whole new shade of stupid."

Sari wrinkled her nose. "A whole new shade of stupid? Harriet, stop saying stupid intellectual crap."

"What? That wasn't exactly intell-"

"Moop!"

"What the?!"

"I said, moop!"

"..."

"l:P"

"Um, anyways... who're we gonna send?"

Zim shrugged.

"Maybe someone annoying."

Sari pointed her fingers in random directions. "Yeah!"

"Right-O..."

Zim pressed a button (almost typed belly-button O.o), and a big teleporty circle thingy came out of his pak.

Harriet put her hands on her hips. "All-rightynow. Sari?"

"Okay then!" said Sari, pushing Harriet in.

"What the f-?!" Harriet was cut off as she disappeared through the teleporter.

Sari grinned. "Anyone with -or without- a brain can see that Harriet is the most annoying person here."

RIV gasped. "What have you done?!"

Sari frowned. "Who _are_ you?"

"Long story..."

Just then, Magi appeared through the teleporter and stepped out. "That was so boring, you wouldn't believe."

* * *

Harriet was floating through space, then landed, face down, on the floor of the Massive. "-uck?! Oh, great..." 

The greatest of Harriet's worries did not include being poked with a stick. She was (seriously!) worried about making a bad impression on tallest Purple. Not only was she shorter than Magi, but she was also an insane Purple fangirl and knew it. This being said, she was concerned about leaking any hint that she was a crazy fangirl, since we all know that would probably creep out the tallest a great deal. O.o

"Hey, what is that?" said Purple.

"Where'd the other one go?" said Red.

"This one's shorter."

Harriet winced.

"A _lot_ shorter."

She winced again.

In a desperate attempt to keep herself from staring at Purple, Harriet pulled out her MP3 player and put on the earphones. (actually takes out MP3 player O.o)

Mr. Wonderful blasted in her ears. Harriet turned down the volume, then changed her mind and turned it up again. But she could still hear the tallest.

"What's it doing?"

As Mr. Wonderful ended, Bumblebee started. Harriet twitched. She was in trouble now. She couldn't resist singing along to this song, and she liked it way too mach to go to the next song or pull out the earphones. And if she sang it out loud, the tallest might take it the wrong way...

Of course, she was worrying way too much.

Harriet managed to force herself to just mouth the words. And that just confused the tallest even more.

Purple scratched his head. "Maybe... it's listening to music?"

"Moron! Aliens don't listen to music. And besides, where are the antenna phones? Well?" said Red.

Harriet couldn't help laughing out loud for a moment, then quickly clapped her hand over her mouth and giggled in a muffled sort of way.

Purple stared at her again. Harriet tried hard not to stare back.

"No, I think it _is_ listening to music," he concluded.

Red rolled his eyes. "I told you, aliens don't listen to music. I don't think that human even _has_ antennas!"

"Can't you hear that music? That human must have the volume up _really_ high."

"I don't hear anything!" yelled Red.

"I bet you're just saying that because you don't like music."

Harriet unconsciously pressed the back button to start the song again. _Oh shit. Why did I have to put my favorite songs on this thing? Oh yeah._

And then Purple did the thing Harriet dreaded. He talked directly to her. "Hey, can I listen to that?"

* * *

And that was chapter ten. 

And probably the longest chapter in this fanfic, and maybe the ongest I've EVER written. But I just didn't want to end the chapter.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have an unhealthy obsession with tallest Purple. O.o My friends and I are hoping it's just a stage, and I'll get over it. But you never know. O.o

And that's probably actually how I would react if I was teleported to the Massive.

Purple: Really?

Me: Eep! (hides) _Damn my insane obsessions and teen hormones._ O.O

Purple: Um...

Me: (is listening to Bumblebee) Sweet little bumblebee...

Well,

Toodles! And noodles! But mostly POODLES!

Zim: Aaaaah! Poodles! (runs away)

Me: But you're afraid of chihuahuas... (spelling?)


	11. They get NEKKID!

Broccoli is the king of all evil.

Look, that's the first thing that popped into my head. -,-'

19 reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own IZ.

Disclaimer for last chapter: NICKELS! I mean I don't own Invader Zim.

Whooooaooohooohoooohohwhoooooaohoh... (still listening to Bumblebee XD)

doop dee doop do doo dah-dah... Yes, I am a nut job.

WAKALAKA! Okay, just ignore that... MP3 players are evil and addictive. Which is why I love mine so much...

It was a christmas present.

And my dad found a site where you can download DDR songs for free.

Hey, Mr. Wonderful...

So I'm listening to my three favorite DDR songs of all time.

...oh, you're irresistible...

Though Mr. Wonderful is missing a verse.

Sweet little bumblebee...

Look, if you're bored, just skip to the chapter.

Eh, whatever. -,-; Here's chapter eleven.

* * *

Harriet blushed. "Um... okay." She handed Purple one of the earphones, and he held it up to his antenna. 

"Can you start this one from the beginning?"

* * *

Magi slapped her forehead. "You mean _Harriet's_ there now?! Are you insane?!" 

Sari grinned. "Yes!" she exclaimed proudly. "Hey, at least she didn't bring her... 'pretty pictures.' Bleah."

Magi nodded. "Yes, her 'pretty pictures.' It _is_ a good thing she didn't bring them, isn't it?"

Shari marched down the stairs holding out a sketchbook. "Hey guys! I got her pretty pictures! Let's burn them before she gets back!"

Sari smirked insanely. "You are a freaking genius, Shari."

Zim gave everyone a look. "Will someone please explain to _ZIIIIIM_?!"

"..."

"...cough..."

* * *

_Awkward. Magi overuses that word, but I think that it applies here._

Purple was standing right next to Harriet, listening intently to "Mr. Wonderful."

_Yup. Awkward._

"Bumblebee" started.

_He's... like... a foot away..._

Harriet was now keeping her eyes shut in order to keep from staring at Purple, but she could hear him breathing.

_He's that close. Oh my god._

She nearly fainted, or wished she would faint, knowing that she had never fainted in her life as far as she could remember.

* * *

Zim gagged. "She drew the Almighty Tallest Purple doing **_WHAT_**?!" 

Magi nodded. "Exactly. Isn't it digusting?"

"ZIIIIIIM does not beleive you, _stink_-human. Give the book to ZIIIIIM!"

The three girls exchanged glances.

"You _sure_?" asked Sari.

Zim's eyes narrowed, and he motioned for Shari to hand him the book.

Shari handed him the book.

Zim opened it and flipped through a few pages. "You LIIIIIIIE! I don't see any- HOLY MOTHER OF DOOKIE!" He screamed, dropping the sketchbook.

* * *

"Purple, don't you think you've been listening to that music for long enough?" said Red, looking a little annoyed. 

"Awww..."

"I have donuts..." Red waved a bag of donuts in Purple's face.

"Donuts!" shouted Purple, handing the ear phone back to Harriet. "See you later, human!" he said, following after Red.

Once they were out of hearing range and Purple was munching on donuts, Red shuddered.

"That human is _creepy_."

"Hrrmmf?" said Purple through a mouthful of donuts.

Red raised an eyebrow. "It just stood there and didn't move _at all._ It was _creepy_. Didn't you notice?"

Purple swallowed. "Maybe it was scared."

"But why would it be scared?"

"Maybe it's afraid of Irkens. I dunno." Purple shrugged.

Red scratched his head. "Maybe we should send a service drone to go find out."

Purple pointed at a random table-headed service drone. "You! Go talk to that human over there."

* * *

Zim was behind a couch, hiding from the sketchbook that was now lying on the floor. "The porn! It buuuuurns!" 

Sari nodded. "It does indeed."

Gir picked up the sketchbook. "Ooooh! Tallest Purple is going all kissy with the pretty girly! And they're NEKKID!"

Zim slapped his forehead.

Gir walked over to Zim. "Master, why is they nekkid?"

"Uhhh... ask the Sari-human!"

Sari waved her arms over her head. "No way, man! Ask... Shari!"

Shari crossed her arms. "Hell no!"

Silence.

"FINE!" groaned Magi. "Gir, when a man and a woman love each other very, very much..."

"They get NEKKID!" shouted Gir.

"Yes, Gir, they get nekkid. As I was saying..."

"And they hug each other and they get all kissy!"

"I was getting to that... And then the man puts his-"

"MONKEYS!"

"Look, are you going to listen or not?"

"Yes!"

"Yes what?"

"Yes!"

"... Well, anyways..."

* * *

The table-headed service drone returned from talking to Harriet. 

"Well, what did you find out?" said Purple impatiently.

The service drone shifted uncomfortably. "Umm... its name is Harriet, and it's a female."

"Anything else? Why is it so scared?" demanded Red.

The drone looked at the floor thoughtfully for a few seconds, and finally answered. "The human wasn't afraid of _me_, my tallest..."

Purple was getting frustrated. "We didn't ask you who it _wasn't_ afraid of. We asked why it _is_ scared."

The drone looked at the floor. "It seems that the human is afraid of _you_ in some way, My Almighty Tallest Purple..."

"What?! What did _I_ do?!" said Purple, looking hurt.

* * *

"EWWWEWWWEWWWEWWW!" screamed Gir, running around in circles. "People are 'skusting!" 

Sari was flipping through the sketchbook. "Hey, I like this one! I like the look on his face. It's awesome." She held up a drawing of Tallest Purple without clothes.

"Put that down!" scolded Magi.

Sari made a strange, gargoyle-like pouty face. (well, _I _think it makes her look like a gargoyle O.o) "Awww, but it's funny..."

"I wonder what Harriet's doing right now," said Shari suddenly.

Sari smirked and looked at the ceiling. "Probably annoying the crap out of the tallest..."

Magi made a strange, Gardell-like face. "Or something else..." she said in a deep voice.

Sari made a disgusted face. "That's gross, Magi."

* * *

Harriet was slumped against a wall, hiding in her sweater (I luvs me stretchy sweater :P!) and listening to her MP3 player, slightly regretting not coming out of the depths of her sweater while she was talking to the service drone. But of course, she probably would've ended up staring across the room at Purple after the conversation.

* * *

Meanwhile, the tallest were still talking. 

"Hey, did you notice that the human didn't look up at all when it was talking?" said Red.

Purple's antennas perked up. "What did you say?"

"I said, the human didn't look up."

Purple pulled out a small device and held it to his mouth. "Test, test, test..." His voice became more high-pitched, like that of the service drone.

Red frowned. "Since when do _you_ get good ideas?"

* * *

And that was chapter eleven. 

Gargh, I can't stand my own cliff-hanger... l:(

So, how are the tallest so far? Are they in-character? Tell meeeeee! Review!

Purple: Since forever.

Me: -,-; The chapter's over...

Purple: Hey! It talked to me!

Me: Eeeep! (hides)

Purple: )': ...Did I do something bad?

Toodles!


	12. Um

O.O

Sorry, I'm just still in shock from reading the latest chapter of another fanfic...

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

Purple: What were you reading?

Me: (blushes, hits head off of wall)

Purple: O.o...

Me: (hits head on wall again)

Purple: O.O! You okay?

Me: no... (hits head again)

Purple: That can't be healthy...

Me: (collapses on floor) Oooo... colors. Swirly. Pretty, swirly colors. Noooooo... beans...

Purple: O.O!!!!!!

Well, here's chapter twelve.

* * *

"Helloooooo?" 

Harriet opened her eyes. _Oh. Probably that service drone Irken again._

"Hi."

"You okay?"

"Fine."

"So, uh, why are you afraid of Purple?"

Harriet frowned inside her sweater-coccoon. _Why didn't he say _Tallest_ Purple? Eh, whatever. Be silent, my stupid paranoid brain._

"Did he do something to you?"

"Not really, no."

"Then... why are you afraid of him?"

"I'm not exactly afraid of him, persay. I'm just... shy."

"But then, why aren't you shy of _me_?"

"Um... it's hard to explain... can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah?"

"Um... well... the truth is, I'm really obsessed with Tallest Purple. But if he knew that, it might creep him out, and I really want him to like me, but I just..."

"Really?!"

"You know, a lot of people on Earth think that the tallest are a couple."

"What?"

"Some even think-" Harriet stifled a laugh. "Some even think that Purple would 'make a good mother.'"

"WHAT?!"

"I know! It's disgusting! What's with everyone's obsession with mpreg? Personally, I think that's all a load of bullshit. At least, I hope it is."

"..."

(A little background information: I have a strange obsession with facial expressions, especially strange ones. Just ask Sari. Heh. Moop.)

_Hmm, I wonder what kind of face he's making..._

Harriet popped her head out of the sweater, and-

* * *

"-then the Jhonen-monster ate everyone. The end," finished Sari. 

"Tell me another story! Make this one about tacos," said Gir.

"Okay. Once apon a time, there was a little green penguin named Zim. Now, one day, Zim-"

"ZIIIIIM is no _filthy_ _Earth_-beast!" protested Zim.

"Shut up! I'm telling a story. Now, one day, Zim was thirsty for tacos, so he bought a rainbow to be his friend, and they lived happily ever after. But then-"

Gir gasped.

"But then, a giant killer giraffe with a machine gun went fly-fishing. But, the machinegun exploded on contact with water!"

"NOOOOO!"

"Yes! But it was a dud."

"Phew!"

"But then it exploded anyways."

"NOOOOOOO!"

"But it was okey-dokey."

"Phew!"

"Except giraffe blood and guts were scattered everywhere! Dun dun DUUUUUUUN!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"But the machine gun was unharmed."

"Phew!"

"And then some gorillas with machetes-"

* * *

-ended up face to face with Tallest Purple. 

"Hi!" said Purple loudly.

Mortified to no end, this time, Harriet actually did faint.

"Smoooooth," said Red sarcastically, earning an irritated look from Purple.

Purple looked back down at the human. "Is it... dead?"

An alarm went off.

"Oh, great," said Red. "A transmission from _Zim_."

* * *

"My Tallest! It is I, ZIIIIM!" Zim said to the screen that had come out of his pak. 

"Zim, why on Irk did you send a human here?!" said Red angrily.

"Oh... heh heh... It's part of a brilliant plan! YES!"

Sari poked Zim. "Whooojuh talkin' to?"

Red made a face. "Is that a _human_ behind you, Zim?"

"All part of my _ingenious_ plan, my tallest! Yep!"

"Is that the Massive?" said Magi.

"Where's Harriet?" said Shari.

"Is that where Harriet is?" asked RIV, jumping between Zim and the viewscreen. "Where's Harriet?"

"The human? Over there," he said gesturing vaguely backwards.

"I have to see her!" demanded RIV.

* * *

Purple leaned forward to get a better look at the unconscious human. Unfortunately, three more things happened at the same time. 

The human woke up.

A clumsy table-headed service drone accidentally bumped into Purple, knocking him over onto the human.

And then, it appeared on Zim's viewscreen.

* * *

Zim blinked. And blinked again. 

"Whoooooa, ho-ho!" spazzed Magi, pointing at the screen.

"Um... whoa," said Sari, turning green.

"I knew I should've gone with! I knew that without a chaperone..." moaned RIV, panicking.

"Eeeew!" whined Shari, wrinkling her nose. "That's _nasty_!"

Gir beamed, clasping his hands. "Awwww, just like the pictures!"

* * *

Purple looked up and saw the mini-screen floating nearby. "Oh... um... hi..." he said uncomfortably. 

The people on the screen held their expressions.

Purple looked from the screen to the human and then back at the screen. Something clicked in his mind. He blushed.  
"Um..."

One of the humans on the screen coughed.

"This... um... isn't what it looks like! Really!"

* * *

And that was chapter twelve. 

Purple: Awkward...

Me: O.O

Toodles!


	13. Pretty Pictures

Moo. P:

Awww... whoosha ferret? Whoooooosha feeeeerrrreeeet? (Quozl is asleep in sleeve of sweater (: Hooray!) Joooooo are!

If you're a reader of Bald Eagle, then you know who Quozl is. But FYI, he really isn't as perverted as he is in the fanfic. He just likes to look down girls' shirts. XD But never guys. I swear, he knows _exactly_ what he's doing! O.o;

Naomi (lil' sis): Did you hear me fart?

Me: ... shut up.

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

Okay, Sari, the service drone's name is Pretzel. -,-;

And here is chapter thirteen.

* * *

"What the... FUCK?!" shouted Sari at the screen. 

"I _FELL_!" protested the blushing tallest, shaking a two-fingered fist at the group of humans plus one disgruntled, nautious Irken.

Zim's eye twitched. "...Gir?"

"Bucket!" shouted Gir, holding a bucket marked 'vomit' over his head. Zim proceeded to make use of the bucket.

"Haha!" chortled Sari. "Irken barf!"

Gir pulled a sandwich out of his head. "I wanna dance with my sammich!"

* * *

Harriet, effectively pinned to the floor, was confused and half-awake, though fully aware that this was just a mistake. 

_Just my luck for something weird and awkward like this to happen... Well, fudge. Hmmmm... Heh, he smells like donuts..._

* * *

On Earth, Roxy walked into the room and took a picture of the screen. Yup yup. 

Magi frowned at Roxy. "Why are _you_ here?"

Roxy pointed at the screen.

"Well, how did you know that was happening ahead of time?!"

This time, Roxy pointed at her noggin. "Pervert sense. Yeppers."

* * *

_He's still not getting off of me. That probably looks pretty bad. Yup... ... ... Hmm... maybe I can figure out how to draw him better, starting with how the antennas connect to the head..._

Harriet began to carefully examine Purple's head. (I know, kind of strange, but that's probably what I'd really do XD)

* * *

Sari squinted at the screen again. "Hey, Harriet's staring at him," she proclaimed at large. 

"I am _not_!" yelled Harriet, blushing redder than she already was. "I'm just... um... I'm _NOT_!"

Roxy put her hand on her chin. "Hey, alien dude on top of Harriet, if you _fell_ on her, then why aren't you getting off of her?"

Purple hastily got up. "See? I _did_ get up! What are you talking about?"

* * *

Sari, flipping through the sketchbook again, got an idea. An _evil_ idea. She grinned madly and proceeded with the plan.

* * *

Harriet sat up and looked at the screen and saw Sari. With _her_ sketchbook. 

"Hey mister Purple," said Sari. "Wanna see some pictures Harriet drew?"

Harriet narrrowed her eyes. "You _wouldn't_..."

Sari lifted the cover of the sketchbook, beaming.

"You _would_!" In a short burst of randomly acquired strength and agility, Harriet lept to her feet and launched herself at the screen. "If you open that, Sari, I will rip your liver out and feed it to wild hyenas, you hear me?! YOU HEAR ME?! **YOU HEAR ME?!**"

Sari shut the sketchbook with a loud 'SMACK' and sighed releivedly. "Guys, they weren't."

* * *

In an alternate universe, a panda exploded. Yup. P:

* * *

"Huh?" said Harriet, still gripping the screen warily. 

"Allow me to explain," said Sari. "If they'd been doing what we thought they were doing, Harriet probably wouldn't be bothered if I showed Purple the sketch book. However, she totally overreacted."

"You call this _overreacting_?! You freaking scared the shit outta me! Not literally, but... YOU GET MY POINT!" spazzed Harriet angrily.

"I see..." said Magi with her hand on her chin.

Roxy snatched the sketchbook from Sari. "Gimme those." She opened it. "Harriet, you're nasty."

"Says you!" said Harriet, blushing. "They're not as messed up as that picture you drew of that teacher!"

"That was only once, and I was just a little kid!"

"That makes it _worse!_"

"Uh, no it doesn't..."

"SHUDDUP!"

"You drew him a million times-"

"SHUDDUP!"

"-without clothes on," finished Roxy.

"Um, hello?" said Purple, more than a little confused.

Roxy addressed Purple. "Dude, you have to see these, they're messed up..." She lifted the cover of the sketchbook a little.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" roared Harriet.

"Show me what?!" asked Purple, even more confused.

"Harriet drew these screwed-up pictures of-"

"NO! DON'T!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" screamed Purple.

* * *

Sari gave Zim a slap on the back as he spewed the remainder of the contents of his squeedly-spooch into the bucket. 

Zim straighted up and grimaced. "That really isn't helpful, huuuuu-maaaan," he growled.

"Look on the bright side, Zim: At least they weren't, ummmm... doing stuff," said Sari cheerfully.

"Yes... stuff."

"Moo!"

"..."

* * *

Harriet turned around momentarily, and Roxie took the opportunity to open the sketch book to a random page and shove it at the screen. 

"What is _THAT_?!" exclaimed Purple, pointing at the screen with a strange expression on his face.

In a panic, Harriet whirled back to the screen to see how much damage had been done. She exhaled relievedly.

Pressed up to the screen was a page full of random doodles.

* * *

And that was chapter thirteen.

Toodles!


	14. Chapter WTFourteen?

Greetings humans. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Like, a gazillion years.

Stuff has changed.

I'll make another chapter of this, but it'll be kind of weird 'cause of that.

If anyone actually still reads this and reviews saying I should continue, I will.

* * *

Everyone was suddenly several years older, most of them now 18, but nobody really noticed that little jump, did they? Nooo.

"Dear GOD, that sketchbook is old," scoffed Harriet. "I remember when I drew that crap. It was fun though." She pulled her mini-sketchbook out of her purse and flipped through it.

"So, you draw better now, right?" inquired Purple.

"Yup," beeped Harriet, holding up a recent drawing of a monster.

"I like the wings," muttered Purple, squinting at it.

"Where did you guys find that thing?" Harriet asked of her confused friends on the screen.

"Uhhh, you left it here?" Sari guessed.

"Yeah, I guess I kinda did practically live at your house when you were still in the same state..."

"I haven't been mentioned in this story in years!" grunted Shari.

"NO ONE has been mentioned in this story in years. Quit breaking the fourth wall!" snapped Harriet.

There was an awkward silence.

"I AM ZIIIIM!" he shrieked.

"Yes, well..." Red frowned and crossed his arms, beginning to get irritated.

Purple patted him on the back. "Let's go get some donuts. Go away Zim," he sighed, shutting off the screen.

As the two Tallest walked off to find some deep-fried treats, one of the Irken scientists walked up to Harriet.

"I like your drawings, can I see more?" she asked.

"Sure," said Harriet, smiling and handing her the sketchbook. "You know, I kind of have a thing for aliens..."

* * *

"NOOOOOO MY TALLEST!" screeched Zim. "THEY WILL NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN NOW BECAUSE YOU FIIIILTHY HUMANS ARE SO... SO..."

"Filthy?" suggested Magi.

"YES. FILTHY!"

Sari sniffed her armpit and frowned.

"C-can I smell too?" begged GIR quietly.

Sari's frown deepened. "What? No!"

"Ok guys, what now? How are we going to get her back? And whose brilliant idea was it in the first place to send Harriet to the Massive?" said Shari, getting on task.

Sari started whistling, but nobody noticed.

"This is a disaster! Solutions! Give me solutions!" shouted Zim.

Magi rolled her eyes. "Geez guys, relax. She's probably flirting with some Irken girl or something. I don't think there's anything to worry about. Chill. Just chill."

* * *

Harriet smiled at the attractive young Irken scientist. "You know, your skin is the most lovely shade of green..."

The Irken blushed.

Harriet shook her head at the Tallest, who were stuffing their faces. "Males are sooo overrated."

* * *

RIV sighed. "I just hope she's safe."

* * *

And that was chapter WTFourteen.

If anyone still reads this fanfic, be sure to review and tell me what you think of its new direction (or lack thereof).


	15. Macaroni and Cheese or The Examination

So, I have some lab reports I really, really need to finish, but I'm burned out at the moment, so I'll write the next chapter.

Oh God, college is HARD. Especially if you leave everything to last minute... XP

* * *

"GIR, I need SILEEEEEEEENCE!" bellowed Zim. "I am TRYING to think of a plan!"

"But Maaster, I have to go poo poo…"

Everyone looked at Shari. She looked disgruntled. "FINE. I'll take him to the bathroom."

"DON'T STEAL MY SOAP!" Sari called after the two of them as they disappeared into the hallway.

There was silence for a minute.

"Wait… isn't he a robot? Why does he have to poop?" RIV wondered aloud.

Sari patted his head. "Some things are best kept a mystery, Jeff. Some things are best left a mystery."

"That's not my name," said RIV uneasily.

"It is now," Sari responded, grinning. "Your name sucked. Now it's better."

"Jeff would be a great name for a et elephant," Magi remarked, rubbing her chin.

Everyone stared at her.

"Well it would!"

* * *

Tallest Purple looked up between donuts and noticed the human was still there.

He motioned to the scientist nearby. "You there! Take the human to the lab for an examination. A THOROUGH examination."

The scientist saluted. "Yes, my tallest. Harriet, come with me."

Harriet obediently followed her into the bowels of the Massive. After some time, they arrived at a brightly lit room with an examination table.

"Sit there," instructed the Irken, motioning to the table and closing the door behind her. "Greetings, my name is Exobiologist Flerb. The Tallest want you alive, so I'm not doing a dissection, lucky for you."

She walked over to a machine with a door and a large monitor, flipped a switch, and opened the door. "Get in there. This is how I will see your innards."

Harriet hesitated, suspecting that the machine would emit some harmful radiation.

"Or would you rather I do the dissection?" the scientist asked, smiling sweetly.

"Ok, ok, I'm going…" Harriet stepped into the machine and the door closed. It was dark inside except for a small screen, which said 'Please close your eyes' in English and what appeared to be a few dozen other languages, mostly alien. She closed her eyes and the machine began to make whirring noises. After a few seconds, the door opened and she walked out.

"That wasn't so bad," Harriet remarked, as the Irken retrieved data from the machine and stored it in a clipboard, which she was scribbling furiously on.

"Now human, disrobe," commanded Flerb.

"Excuse me?"

"Take your clothes off. All of them."

"Why?"

Exobiologist Flerb rolled her eyes. "To perform an external features survey, of course. Hurry up, we don't have all day."

* * *

Sari ran into the kitchen, peeked her head out sideways. and grinned at everybody. "Who wants …MACARONI AND CHEESE?" she growled, waving her arms.

"Me!" shouted Magi and Shari simulatneously.

"I DO! OH I DOOOOO!" screeched GIR.

"Cheeese..." hissed Zim, gritting his teeth in disgust.

* * *

The exobiologist looked at her chart and scratched her head. "I've looked everywhere, and I just can't find your antennae!"

"That's because I don't HAVE any antennae," Harriet sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Then tell me, how do you hear? Or are you telepathic?"

Harriet grabbed her ears. "These. My ears."

Flerb looked surprised. "Thought those were purely decorative, perhaps a sign of status?"

"Nope."

"Is this bit of metal a device for improving hearing?" she asked, pointing at an earlobe.

"Nah, that's just an earring. Purely decorative. The part of the ear that actually receives sound waves is deep in the hole in the middle. The outer ear just amplifies it. Kinda like a satellite dish."

"Fascinating," remarked Flerb. "This concludes the external features survey." She pulled something that resembled a colorful, high-tech probe. "Now for the cavity exam."

Harriet abruptly scooted back on the table and crossed her legs. "Woah, woah, woah," she objected, "I have a rule, no probes on the first date!"

* * *

Oh no! What will happen next? Will Harriet ever get back to Earth? In the meantime, will Flerb respect Harriet's refusal of probing? And will this fanfic remain rated T? (don't worry, it will. This fic is too silly to have lemons. ;P )

Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Will you help me take over the world?"! It's back up and running again, baby! Hellz yeah!


	16. In which I am a bitch

So I recently had a brief visit to the mental hospital for an anxiety attack. That was exciting.

In other news, I get to wear a protective bee suit today. It will be amazing.

This is chapter 16. I apologize for it in advance. Like how when I eat an entire head of garlic I apologize in advance to people who will be near me the next day.

* * *

The sound of noisy macaroni chewing perforated the room, as did the smell of the cheese. Zim gagged and fell to the floor.

"Whatsa matter master?" GIR questioned, his face dripping in cheese. "You want macaronis too?" GIR scooped up a handful of the cheesy pasta and thrust it in Zim's face.

"No GIR! The cheese! The cheeeese!" he hissed, trying in vain to push GIR's hand away. He was unsuccessful, and GIR's handful of macaroni covered his face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT BURNNS! IT BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNSSSS!"

Shari sighed. "I'll get a towel."

* * *

"Can't we think this over? Don't you think it's a little too soon?" Harriet squeaked, hiding behind the exam table. "Maybe discuss it over dinner at a nice restaurant?"

Flerb began cussing in several languages. "Just get over here and let me finish the exam, you stupid human!"

"No! I don't wanna! Give me my clothes back!" she whimpered, peeking over the table. "Wait… where'd you go?"

Flerb rose up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Modesty will get you nowhere, alien scum."

Harriet frowned. "Alien scum? That's not very nice. Hey, wait!" she cried as Exobiologist Flerb lifted her back onto the table.

Flerb approached with the probe. "Please, no, don't! You're not a certified gynecologist!" Harriet objected.

The writer decided to break the fourth wall mid-chapter to lighten the mood, and also to be kind of a bitch. "God, I'm tired," she muttered, and put her face on the keyboard. gthyjuyted

Flerb glared at the writer. "Do you mind?"

"YES," the writer growled. "I TIRED. MY BRAIN DO A THINK."

"Just finish the chapter," Jay sighed.

"You're not supposed to be in this fanfic!" she scolded.

"I thought you were breaking the fourth wall! I just wanted to help, but if you're gonna be a bitch about it…"

"I AM breaking the fourth wall! And maybe I AM a bitch! So get used to it," she added.

The exobiologist coughed noisily. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah what do you want?"

"Get OUT. Both of you. Can't you see we're busy?"

"Can I go too?" chimed Harriet, rolled up in a ball on the table.

"NO!"

* * *

"GOD it's boring here," Sari exclaimed, a piece of macaroni dropping out of her mouth. "Harriet must be having fun on the Massive. But I'M BORED. Boo."

"ZIIIIIIM could do with a little less EXCIITEMEEENT! Oh Irk it burns!" he squealed, holding the towel against his face.

"Quit being a whiner." Sari rolled her eyes. "Nobody likes a whiner. Except with ketchup."

"I HATE ketchup! "

"We know, Shari. We know."

An awkward silence floated through the room, almost awkward enough to cover the smell of the cheese. But only almost.

"I AM ZIM!" Zim shouted desperately.

"You really must find another way to break the silence, Zim," Magi grunted. "This one is getting old."

"Yes, well, you know what, so's your… face. You meaty fool."

RIV stood up. "Well, I really must get back home. Call me when you get Harriet back."

"What? Why are you going?" asked Shari.

"The writer got tired of me. With any luck, I might be mentioned again eventually. Oh well."

"That's stupid," snorted Sari. "And it seems like she's making everyone talk weird, like, snorting and grunting."

"Wow, the writer is being such a bitch today," Shari pointed out.

Everyone in the room agreed.

* * *

"This self-insertion fanfic is not working out," Harriet whispered.

"No more breaking the fourth wall! Jeez! Can't you pay attention long enough to finish this chapter without any more of that?" shouted Flerb.

"Ok, ok, fine." Things resumed as if the fourth wall was never broken in the first place. The characters don't care anymore. It happens all the time in this fanfic.

"Hold still or I'll sedate you!" Flerb threatened.

Harriet screamed.

Tallest Purple ran in looking irritated. "Will you shut her up? Someone left the door open and we can hear you all the way down the hall!"

"But my Tallest, the alien won't let me complete the exam!"

"Do it later! You're giving me a headache!"

* * *

Yes, today i felt like being a bitch.

Jay: As your muse I must inform you: You are a painter not a writer! This is like sand for the eyes!

Me: Come on now, it's not that bad.

Jay: Yes it is.


	17. U mad?

Hmm, I should update more promptly.

It is summer vacation for me now, so updates will probably be more frequent.

* * *

As Purple made his way back to his donut-eating activity with Red, Flerb turned to glare at Harriet. "Why do you object so much?"

"You're surprised?" scoffed Harriet.

"I'm only trying to put this device in your mouth! For just a few seconds!"

Harriet blushed. "Oh."

"Where did you think I intended to put it?" Flerb asked, squinting.

"Nothing, nothing. I just have a bad gag reflex, if I throw up on you it's your fault," Harriet responded sheepishly.

"So that's all," Flerb sighed, "I have no reason to induce vomiting. Besides, this uniform is designed to protect me from bodily fluids."

"Uh right, well, er, ok. Let's get it over with."

* * *

Zim had been pacing for an hour or so, when his antennae suddenly perked up.

"Yes! That's it! I'm a genius!" he screamed, and began disassembling the microwave.

"Hey," Magi objected, "We need that for stuff!"

"Silence your voice tube, worm! I know what I'm DOOOIIING!"

After taking the device apart, Zim carefully arranged the pieces and took them to a dark corner and began attaching them to each other.

"Whatcha doin'?" Sari squealed obnoxiously, poking the busy Irken.

"Leave Zim alone, human filth! I am creating a device that will change our lives FOREVER!"

"Aww…"

* * *

"And that concludes the examination," Flerb announced, tossing unfamiliar clothing at Harriet.

"Great," said Harriet, "Can I go home now?"

The exobiologist broke out into maniacal laughter. "Bahahahahahahaha! Are you serious? Of course not!"

After Harriet put on the clothes, exobiologist Flerb led her down a hallway lined with barred doors. They stopped in front of a bright pink one. Flerb opened it.

"Get in there."

Harriet obeyed, and the door shut and locked itself immediately.

"You will stay here until the Tallest decide what to do with you," Flerb ordered.

* * *

"I've done it!" proclaimed Zim. Everyone huddled around immediately to see his miraculous invention.

"It's a device to cook foods quickly and efficiently! It will change LIVES! I will rule the world! Muahahahaha!"

Shari sighed noisily and went off to read a book.

Magi put her hand on Zim's shoulder. "Uh, Zim, you just took apart our microwave and then put it back together again."

"Don't touch me!" Zim screeched. "Lies! LIES! I made it BETTER."

Magi went away to find more macaroni.

Zim gave the microwave a desperate glance.

Sari grinned trollishly. "U mad?"

* * *

Aaaaand, that was chapter 17.

Phew, wasn't that a relief?

Perhaps actual plot will occur at Magi and Sari's house next chapter, considering there pretty much hasn't been any lately.

... U mad? ;D


End file.
